He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Alive.
So much puke
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Randomize
