At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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