I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Randomize
