I will die if light touches me.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I can't turn off my feet"
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
