In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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