return my video game
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
