There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
