Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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