How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Sorry my hands just texted you
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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