she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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