there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
