ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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