I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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