Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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