My Higher Power is John Stamos
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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