if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
