i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Houston, we have a blender
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
