I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
