Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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