end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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