shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
