for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
