i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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