mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
