Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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