Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
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Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
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going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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