we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Randomize
