So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
