He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
We left the knife in your bed.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
