so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize