And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
