i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
