Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
