Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
no. you can't hotbox the world.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
