I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
