Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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