My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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