if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
