you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
