she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
