I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
