the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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