im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
they're like a gay fantastic four
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
