omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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