I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i think i have herpe
just one?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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