first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
