Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
