I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
