The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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