Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize