I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
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I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
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And then my night got REAL pukey
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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