I wish I could teleport
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
