11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
