Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
