You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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