I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
