Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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