I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
