i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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